Them's the breaks

The rest of my family just left to go to the airport. Then they'll be getting on a plane and flying to San Diego to go on a four day cruise to Cabo San Lucas for my grandfather's 80th birthday.

And I'm still here.

I'm more upset than I thought I was going to be. (Obviously since I'm up at almost 5 am, writing on a blog I hardly update). It just seems like some kind of cosmic bullying. I'm trying to look on the brightside.

I have a well paying, not difficult job.
I have my health (read: I'm still breathing.)
I have family and friends who love me.

But then I remember that I'm still sitting here in Indiana where the weather is -20 degrees and I COULD be on a plane to go to a cruise ship.

Why am I here? Because of that well paying, not difficult job. And I keep reminding myself that it would've been stupid to pick a cruise over financial security. But to be perfectly honest, at this point in time this job doesn't seem worth all the sacrifices I'm making to work there.

Then again, it's also almost 5 am and in my vast experience with looking at life problems at this hour, nothing EVER looks worth it at 5 am.

So, I guess all I can do now is try to sleep, maybe cry a little (more. God I'm so lame). And just keep moving forward.

I can already tell that tomorrow won't be a great at work. We're supposedly having one-on-one's with my coach and in the state I'm in, I'll probably burst into tears, which will be EXTREMELY embarrassing for both of us.


sigh.