Loss

It's strange when someone dies. We hadn't spoken to each other since high school. Not because of any fight or anything... Just natural growing apart. But I do need to take a moment to mourn my friend.


She was my first best friend in Zionsville. Honestly, the first best friend once I'd learned the concept of best friends. Her dad sold us our new house, so I guess neither of us had much choice. Even so, we were friends. She was everything I wasn't. I was so painfully shy. And her? She was charismatic. One of those kids who said the darndest things. One of those kids that every loved because she was so cute and spunky. We had our fights, I'm sure. I know that for the entirety of 2nd grade we were sworn enemies. Later on neither of us could remember what started that fight. I don't really remember much of the bad...

What I remember is building an igloo and playing explorer. She made me be the girl and stay in the igloo and cook while she hunted and did the man things. And in the summer, we played mermaids and dolphin trainer in her pool. Another summer we choreographed a show on the trampoline to the music of the little mermaid for the neighborhood to watch. Looking back that was just the beginning of our choreography collaborations, since we worked together to choreograph some songs for our show choir. I remember our mobile Kool-Aid stand, taking the kool-aid around the neighborhood in her wagon and being chased by bees. Finding a dead bird on the road and giving it a proper burial in an empty lot. Finding a muddy and bedraggled teddybear on the street and cleaning it up to give to a kid who didn't have one. Sharing secrets... just... sharing life, during those years that become nostalgia and "back in the day". Catching up and laughing about life...

We aren't going to be laughing together anymore... And even though we haven't spoken in years, it hurts. A good person... a good friend has died. And a vital piece of my childhood has died with her. I pray for her family and for her...

Lindsay... Spike... you meant so much to me for those few early years. Your friendship was precious. There are so many memories, both good and bad, and I will NEVER forget you. I wish I could have seen you. Caught up with you. Laughed with you. You are so loved... And you'll be very missed. Rest in peace.

Briliant!

So extremely brilliant, you have no idea.

Little Frasier and Niles Were Quite the Handful

Teen boy: (glares at brother, bites thumb)
Younger brother: Mom! He's non-verbally quoting Shakespeare at me again!

Denver, Colorado


lol Name that play! I shouldn't be surprised that other people make this same joke, but I always am surprised.

In other news. Love the new job. I'm just antsy to get on with it. Training is a blast, but I'd really love to just be out on the floor, taking real calls.

Siiiiigh.

Cheers

Fo' Sho!

Aiiiii!! Run for your liiiiives

Douche Dolltm!

Just squeeze him and he says gems such as:

"I really appreciate what you're telling me. I just need to think about what I want to say..."

"When I don't like how someone is acting, I let them know."

"That's just how I am."

Wooord!

Check it!

Hetra Weekly!

We're back in the saddle again... Back in the saddle again!

Now, off to work on more biographies and eat cookie cake.

SHWEEEET!

Best Saturday Night EVAR

So the Broadway series brought Avenue Q to Indy. And I really wasn't planning on seeing it, but Lou and I went to the box office to check it out. And it turned out that if you got to the box office two hours before the show started, you could buy pairs of tickets for $54. So Lou, my mom, my brother Jon and I went! Oh man... It was so amazing..



From ROW F!! That would be the six row from the stage.













All in all? Brilliant Night.


P.S. The world is ending... Proof here

New Toys!

So yeah. I got a lap top! Yay Macbook Pro! I absolutely love it. I basically don't go anywhere without it.

Then today... Yeah... lol Got a camera. I'm always jealous of Lou's fancy camera, so I got my own. A blue Coolpix L18! It's lovely. The best part? The instructions....






OKAY! Box opened... Everything set up. Date.. Time... Language.. Got it. Next?




Awesome! Good to know.


lol

Anyway. Now? I'm gonna do homework and hang out.

Trust me

I'm a Doctor



see Obama pictures





I have no idea why that struck me so funny. It must be the early hour.

Well. I am officially done with my first week of school. I've got a good feeling. Let's hope that it persists. I'm really looking forward to basically all of my classes, which is good, because it's a lot harder for me to do homework and keep up when I don't like the class or the teacher. So. I think that's all for now. I should get into class.

Funny Face

My dog has one too!!



Awesome pictures with the new computer. so mature. lol

Oh Engrish

I'm not proud. lol Enjoy and get back to your day.


more the engrish!

Wryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy....!

Cheers!

Oh People

What is WRONG with people?? This is a collector's babydoll... that BREATHES. lol So creepy. We got that in our mail today and I had to share the scariness. Really people? I guess if it keeps psycho people from kidnapping babies because they just want one of their own, then I guess all the better. But still...


In other news, I start school officially on Thursday. I am SO ready. lol There isn't really much else to say about that. I'll hopefully start posting again more when I actually have things to talk about. It's been work work work all summer.

Alright! Fin until later.

Owls

I hardly ever look at the featured videos on Youtube, but after today I'm thinking I should maybe start. lol From the creator's of the genius that is Weebl and Bob.



Salut! Enjoy

Creativity

What can you do when you've got lots of ideas but no way to get them out of your head?

It's frustrating and it's these times that I wish I was a better artist. I've got all of these pictures in my head that I wish I could get on paper, but I'm just not good enough. And yes yes yes, it takes practice, but I don't even know where to start. I just don't have the patience.

I don't even have my music to fall back on either. Kind of in a creative funk, which I really hope goes away by the time school starts.

On that front, I just applied for more loan money. Joooy.

Well. Don't really know what to do with myself now, so I guess I'll play some MahJong or something...

Update

Great song. Great group. "More than Words" as performed by Naturally 7. They were the opening act for Michael Buble. Love them. lol

In other news, the comic is... going.. lol Working on the script now. And in more other news, It's looking like I'll be graduating in Dec. 2010. Here's hoping.

I've applied for a new job... Nothing back yet, but I'll follow up this week. And the honda has finally died. Which sucks, because we could use that extra car, but I definitely can't afford another. New or used.

So, hopefully things will sort... All I can do now is work.

Bored

I drew this a few days ago. Lou and I were acting out a Halloween dance, and I just couldn't find anything that my character Fiona would wear... So I drew it. It's not great, but it makes me happy.

In other news, went bowling last night with Lou, Jon, Matt, and Matt's friend Kyle. I was complete rubbish. Really, the only one to not break 100. (I didn't even break90. Yeah I'm awful.) It was pretty fun though. Matt is definitely someone that I want to hang out with more. lol He's just a really interesting guy.

Anyway. Happy Saturday. And Happy Mother's day tomorrow to no one that reads this.

The Comic!

Is getting underway. And... There are really no words for how excited I am. There's so much work to do, but I'm so revved...

Anyway, until we get our own url and everything, we'll have a progress blog up on Blogspot. So

Hetra Weekly

Save it. There isn't anything up yet, but we're getting there! So keep an eye out.

Life Changing Experiences

There aren't many in a person's life.... life changing experiences, I mean. Being born, falling in love, first time having sex lol, marriage, kids....

Well, I experienced one last night watching Michael Buble, in concert.

I'll start off by saying that the opening act was PHENOMENAL.

A group of guys from New York called Naturally 7. All acapella with a style that they called "Vocal Play". There really aren't words, so go check out their website. If you click Naturally 7 on the top of the page once you get there, it takes you to a page with a music player. It's just all in german. lol Wierd.

Anyway. Then there was Michael. He is an amazing showman... And he made me realize that those dreams I've had, of being a professional singer. Of being on that stage and sharing all those songs that I've loved and have touched my life... It isn't impossible. So that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to be up on that stage someday. It was an emotional night for me, between that and just the plain power of his musicality.

It was a life changing event, and my life has been changed for the better.

Thank you, Michael Buble...

New Music

Some music just makes you feel fucking good. And MIKA is an artist that makes me feel amazing. lol With a sound reminiscent of Queen and Scissor Sisters, he definitely lights up my day. Lou, thank you SO much for sharing him. lol And now, here is my official summer anthem.

p.s. MICHAEL BUBLE TOMORROW AAHHHHH!!

Party at the Rip's

I. LOVE. MY. COWORKERS.

Just when I think that they drive me crazy... lol Anyway, Holly Ripley (a.k.a. The Rip) had a wine tasting party tonight. I got there at 7:40 not really planning on staying very long and ended up staying until 11:30. Who was there?

enter, THE LIST:

Holly Shadday and her friend/hetero-life-partner, Whitney.
Craigary
Colin
Shawn (blah)
Kenny
Jamie and her husband Cody
Rip and Mr. Rip
Steve and his two kids Allison (9) and Eli (3) ((Yeah I thought it was wierd too))
And me.

And oh man it was a wonderful time! Lots of really great wine, great company, laughter and great music.

And I think I might have met someone... ...Everyone keep your fingers crossed for me.

Movin'

Well, I'm completely moved to my mom's now. I've even gotten all my clothes unpacked and my room is starting to look livable. Now I just have to attack the large pile of boxes downstairs... Ah well. It's not as bad as I thought it would be. Everything fits better in my new room than I thought it would, and it's not cramped at all. I will be glad when it's all sorted, though. For tonight at least, I have the house (and pets) to myself. Mom is singing in a concert, and Robert and David went to it. I passed for two reasons. The first being that I'm going to be dog-sitting basically all next week and would really like to be completely unpacked before then. The second reason? I hate Crawfordsville. The community choir bothers me. And I don't give a fuck about the glee club boys. The ones that aren't gay, are also younger than me. lol who really wants to deal with that?

Anyway, I think everything will look better tomorrow. Right now I'm tired, in pain and just blah.

Everything is going to be alright. That's all I gotta tell myself.

Wooo!

I GOT A NEW PHONE! Thank you God. lol Now I am officially re-connected with the universe. I'm so freaking glad.

... ..lol I have nothing else to say. Going to cathedral for Easter service tomorrow. Joy.

Then Easter Brunch at the Columbia Club. Insert snooty accent here. Seriously, it's a member's only place and VERY republican. lame... Ah well, hopefully the food's good.

So now... I'm done. lol Happy Easter everyone

Yay me!

I finished my first handmade scarf! Yaaaaaaaaay!

That's all. Back to sorting through my shit so I can start packing.

Big move in 10 days and counting.

Wow Starbucks

This certainly turned out to be an "Oh My God" day at work. It doesn't sound like a big deal, but it was kind of cool for me. We had a celebrity sighting at work. lol It was Subway Jared! Woooo! I just kind of stared for a second before going and getting his coffee. It's a really weird experience, seeing someone on tv, then seeing them in person...

Then, this completely adorable guy comes in and gets coffee. And it turns out he's not from the U.S. because he just pointed to a quarter and asked how much it was worth. lol So I asked where he was from and it turns out his from southern Brazil and he's an Indycar driver. I'm just really hoping he wasn't a famous one, because if so, I made myself look like an ass.

Stephen Hilbert (yeah that one) is also one of our regulars in addition to a lot of the Fox 59 crew, since Fox is right behind our building.

I never know if I'm seeing someone famous... Guess they're all just customers to me.

lol oh well. Back to being bored.

Placemat art

So, Lou has started the "placemat art" movement. She's basically done this as long as I've known her, but whenever we go to Steak 'n Shake, she draws on the paper placemats. They're almost always freakin' masterpieces. lol Anway, sometimes I attempt "placemat art" as well, but I hardly ever come up with anything as good. But I do usually come up with something funny. So here we go. My two pieces of art for the "Placemat Gallery"."You want I bring El Fuego?" No idea how this started, but I've been saying it for months now. Maybe it's a mix of Lolcats and Lou's random journeys into espanol. Who knows?


"Imma Nom this Muthafucka!" Now THIS is definitely a Lolcat inspiration. Lolcat meets the psychotic muppet, I think. lol I don't draw cute and cuddly very well...

News

Okay. So, I've decided that I am DEFINITELY going to go for "The Biggest Loser" cast. I talked to my family, and my brother Robert said that he'd apply with me because they're looking for pairs. And hey, a brother/sister thing could get us in.

Honestly, the thought of this really scares me. It's a huge deal. I mean, there's no reason to get scared now, since I haven't even sent in my application, but still...

Any way, all I can ask of you who are my support group is to just... think of me. Pray, meditate, will the cosmos. Whatever it is you do, when you ask a higher being for help and support, do it for me.

I'm tired of being the way I am, physically. I'm tired of being tired and out of breath and frightened of going to sleep. And I know that I should take it upon myself to start the changes necessary, but this is the only thing I can think of that would give me the necessary kick in the ass. So... well, just think of me.

You all have my unending love and gratitude. Seriously.

Caution

I'm an ARTEEST! This is a caricature I did of our good friend Caution, using a reference from his dA account. Yeah... I'm pretty awesome.

Breaking Down

“Anger is just a cowardly extension of sadness. It's a lot easier to be angry at someone than it is to tell them you're hurt.” -Tom Gates

“The most terrible poverty is loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved.” -Mother Teresa

“Man finds nothing so intolerable as to be in a state of complete rest, without passions, without occupation, without diversion, without effort. Then he feels his nullity, loneliness, inadequacy, dependence, helplessness, emptiness.” -Blaise Pascal

“When friendship disappears then there is a space left open to that awful loneliness of the outside world which is like the cold space between the planets. It is an air in which men perish utterly.” -Hilaire Belloc

“I start to feel like I can’t maintain the facade any longer, that I may just start to show through. And I wish I knew what was wrong. Maybe something about how stupid my whole life is. I don’t know. Why does the rest of the world put up with the hypocrisy, the need to put a happy face on sorrow, the need to keep on keeping on?... I don’t know the answer, I know only that I can’t. I don't want any more vicissitudes, I don't want any more of this try, try again stuff. I just want out. I’ve had it. I am so tired. I am twenty and I am already exhausted.” -Elizabeth Wurtzel

“That's the thing about depression: A human being can survive almost anything, as long as she sees the end in sight. But depression is so insidious, and it compounds daily, that it's impossible to ever see the end. The fog is like a cage without a key.” -Elizabeth Wurtzel

“I wonder if any of them can tell from just looking at me that all I am is the sum total of my pain, a raw woundedness so extreme that it might be terminal. It might be terminal velocity, the speed of the sound of a girl falling down to a place from where she can't be retrieved. What if I am stuck down here for good?” -Elizabeth Wurtzel

“I feel like a defective model, like I came off the assembly line flat-out fucked and my parents should have taken me back for repairs before the warranty ran out.” -Elizabeth Wurtzel

“And then there are my friends, and they have their own lives. While they like to talk everything through, to analyze and hypothesize, what I really need, what I'm really looking for, is not something i can articulate. It's nonverbal: I need love. I need the thing that happens when your brain turns off and your heart turns on.” -Elizabeth Wurtzel

"Smile though your heart is aching. Smile even though it's breaking. When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by, if you smile through your fears and sorrow. Smile, and maybe tomorrow you'll see the sun come shining through for you. Light up your face with gladness. Hide every trace of sadness, although a tear maybe ever so near. That's the time you must keep on trying. Smile, what's the use in crying? You'll find that life is still worthwhile, if you just smile." -Charlie Chaplin

Thanks Dunkers!

Oh New Media nerds...

My Beautiful BlogSpot!

So, obviously there's been a slight change in scenery here on my blog.

Big HUGE oh my god oh my god thanks to Lou for doing it. lol It's really swank and awesome and I feel like a cooler person just by looking at it.

lol In other news? There is no other news.

Have a good day my dears!

More crap

I did say I was gonna doodle more crap. lol this should be it for the day.. probably. Dunno. The one on the right... started out with a head. Really... But I decided that trying to correct it was just futile... So? Magic Ball Head lady...

Maybe this time?

Okay.... So I tried posting before and it wasn't going through, so here's hoping.

I wasn't in a very good mood earlier, but I just got back from Donato's with Lou, and had a rockin' time. So I'm much better now. lol Seriously, it was like Metal Monday only it's Tuesday! And Erin, the cashier/one of five managers, was so rad. lol She called everyone "My Friend". How awesome is that? Wish I could pull that off. I just call most everyone at Starbucks "hon".

Anyway, here's what I was posting earlier today.

Now I don't know how with it you all are at 5 in the A.M., but I'm really not with it. When I open, everything is usually in it's place so I just go on auto-pilot until about 6:30.

Well this morning, things were not all in their places. In fact, all the timers we use for our coffees, creams, and sanitizers were missing. So that was a little confounding and irritating, but I kept doing my thing, figuring I'd find them later.

Next thing I know, the entire store ERUPTS in Fucking Beeping. Now... the timers are really annoying beepers. I have nightmares about these timers. So, you can imagine my joy at the entire store beeping at me. Turns out someone (probably the closers) decided it'd be really funny to set the timers to go off and then hide them in random places. These places included on top of our menu boards, on the espresso machine, behind the registers and on top of a fridge.

Needless to say I was fucking pissed. And I stayed pissed pretty much until I got to Donato's and told the story to Lou. Now? Now I can laugh at it. lol

On another note! I drawed a purty picture! lol Nothing that great or special, but hey, I'm not too ashamed to put it on my blog. So here you go. Ignore the wierd angle. I don't understand photoshop yet.


Woo look at me and my bad self! Now I'm off to doodle more crap!

People

So, todays weather has been terrifically horrible. lol Everything is covered in a layer of ice that's really just fucking things up.

But anyway! Today I was reminded about how alternatingly awesome and immature the human race is. First? The immature. I was getting gas today, and you know how the cashiers can yell at people over the intercom. Well, I wanna know where this one old guy was from, because he seemed to be surprised that if you were paying with cash, you had to pre-pay. And he wasn't surprised in an "Oh! Really? I'm sorry, that's my fault. I didn't read the sign directly in front of my face."

No, this was surprised as in screaming at the cashier FROM the pump basically incoherently, and then afterwards going inside to yell at the cashier directly about how "He was GOING to buy something else in the gas station, but NOW! It's just stupid. Stupid stupid. Where's your bathroom?!"

lol To make it more awesome, there's the wife of the asshole, nudging his arm all "It's back there, Now Shush!" lol Epic.

Now for the awesome people.

Like I said, everything is covered in ice. That includes my car. So when I got to said gas station, the latch that opens my gas tank door was frozen solid. So after maybe 15-20 minutes standing out in the cold trying to jimmy and pry it open with my keys, this great gentleman at the next pump over comes and tries to help me out. He ended up using a hunting knife, which made me a little nervous.. Didn't want the guy to cut himself helping me out. Anyway, before he tried that he said, "Now you promise that if this breaks the door, you won't sue me or anything."

I just laughed and pointed to my car, "Don't worry, my car's a piece of junk, so it won't really matter."

Anyway, it worked! So I got my gas, continued to be annoyed and amused by the asshole and now I'm home. And I'm not going to leave again until tomorrow morning.

Now! Naptime.

WOOO!

GO ELI!

HAHA Tom Brady! 3 sacks, fumbles. So laaaaaame!

lol I don't care about football... but it feels really nice that the Pats lost.

Go Giants! And now! I'm off.

Ugh

For the first time in months, I was unhappy with my co-workers today. That really just threw off the rest of my day, so I was in a slightly annoyed mood all day. lol That's always awesome.

Anyway, what happened. I'll start by saying that there's a regular crew of people that usually works mornings. Out of that group there are only 2 or 3 of them that are female (myself included). Now, the guys I work with are great most of the time. They're funny and they're always joking around. Unfortunately, the longer the newer members of that group work at my store, the closer knit the guys get. So all this week I got stuck working with the "Boys' Club", getting stuck in a proverbial corner and ignored, while they all played around.

At least when Shadday or Emily are around, I can talk to them. Although, both Shadday and Emily are included in "Boys' Club" because they're pretty skinny girls... But, I can still talk to the girls. I don't blame either of them. Just the boys for being chauvinistic jerks.

So today, I just got a little tired of being excluded. So I made a comment on something that David and Shawn were talking about. What does David say?
"Well, see I was talking to Shawn."
And Shawn? "Yeah, you shouldn't comment on conversations that you aren't included in."

Yeah.


Needless to say, I was stung and irritated and upset. Because I knew they were "teasing" but that didn't change what they'd said. And I don't really have anyone to talk to about it. I can't talk to my boss, because he's part of the group, and it's not like it has anything to do with work. Shawn apologized in a completely laughingly insincere way, which just frustrated me more. So I don't really know what to do.

I hate feeling isolated and excluded... I already have hardly anyone to talk to outside of work. Just Lou and Jon, and I feel like I cling to them way too much as it is.

So. There's my day. Kind of shitty, but after I got home things were good. So there ya go.

In other news, got OkGo's first cd and it's fabulous. I love it and I will listen on repeat for forever. lol

Countdown time.

Okay, it's not a big deal. But I only have 71 days left as an independant woman. That sounds really melodramatic, but oh well. It's hard to believe, honestly, that the end of March is that soon.

I'm already attempting to pack things up so I can have less work to do come March 31st.

In other news! A group of us went out last night to celebrate a joint birthday. It was completely brilliant, especially since I haven't REALLY gone out for months. We had dinner at Kona Grill.
( http://www.konagrill.com/# ) And ohhh man. The sushi was great. And the company, as well. Our waiter was so adorable, and apparently looked like a mix of Tom Cruise and James Blunt. He was so charming and personable. Well done, Alex! I tipped him well. lol

Then it was off to Comedy Sports ( http://www.indycomedysportz.com/ ) GO CHECK THEM OUT! They are phenomenal! It's a comedy club, but it's all improv. Basically "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" with a sport theme. So the group of us went and drank beer (except Lou lol) and laughed a lot (including Lou).

All in all, it was a really good time, despite being ridiculously cold. I felt a little awkward at times, because there was a couple that I didn't know, but other than that... lol Amy and Tim (the couple) were really nice, so it was really just me being retarded and internally shy.

So now, it's back to business as usual. I've got a full schedule this upcoming week, so that will be nice. Hoping it will help me work through the late January/February blues that I can feel creeping up. There are a lot of things going on in my head right now that I want to express... but I either don't know how, or I'm scared of what would happen if I did. So, I'll be keeping them to myself.

All-in-all, still a good year. I'm keeping my fingers crossed and knocking on wood.

AND NOW! 2008 THEME SONG!!

Deep thoughts for 2008

Please ignore this. lol Seriously. It's just me babbling about things I've already babbled about. But this'll be the first time in 2008, so that's my excuse.

Count down to moving back home started this month. Move out date is March 30th. That means, hopefully back to school in the fall. Now, here's my question to the cosmos.

After all the huge stress about paying bills and making rent is gone. After I can start focusing on myself. WHERE do I get motivation? I say I'm going to work my ass off, but I always say that.

I just need the motivation to make myself do it... And maybe this time will be different. I'm not going to be stressing about bills and rent. I'm not going to be working as much... Well... Here's hoping. Right now, I just want to get done.



That wasn't as emo as I thought it would be. lol That's a good sign. I just spent the day watching emotional movies, and usually that puts me in a meloncholy mood, but I'm doing alright.

....I think this is going to be a good year. Here's hoping. Fingers crossed everyone.

Cheers!