Okay. So, I've decided that I am DEFINITELY going to go for "The Biggest Loser" cast. I talked to my family, and my brother Robert said that he'd apply with me because they're looking for pairs. And hey, a brother/sister thing could get us in.
Honestly, the thought of this really scares me. It's a huge deal. I mean, there's no reason to get scared now, since I haven't even sent in my application, but still...
Any way, all I can ask of you who are my support group is to just... think of me. Pray, meditate, will the cosmos. Whatever it is you do, when you ask a higher being for help and support, do it for me.
I'm tired of being the way I am, physically. I'm tired of being tired and out of breath and frightened of going to sleep. And I know that I should take it upon myself to start the changes necessary, but this is the only thing I can think of that would give me the necessary kick in the ass. So... well, just think of me.
You all have my unending love and gratitude. Seriously.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Caution
I'm an ARTEEST! This is a caricature I did of our good friend Caution, using a reference from his dA account. Yeah... I'm pretty awesome.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Breaking Down
“Anger is just a cowardly extension of sadness. It's a lot easier to be angry at someone than it is to tell them you're hurt.” -Tom Gates
“The most terrible poverty is loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved.” -Mother Teresa
“Man finds nothing so intolerable as to be in a state of complete rest, without passions, without occupation, without diversion, without effort. Then he feels his nullity, loneliness, inadequacy, dependence, helplessness, emptiness.” -Blaise Pascal
“When friendship disappears then there is a space left open to that awful loneliness of the outside world which is like the cold space between the planets. It is an air in which men perish utterly.” -Hilaire Belloc
“I wonder if any of them can tell from just looking at me that all I am is the sum total of my pain, a raw woundedness so extreme that it might be terminal. It might be terminal velocity, the speed of the sound of a girl falling down to a place from where she can't be retrieved. What if I am stuck down here for good?” -Elizabeth Wurtzel
“I feel like a defective model, like I came off the assembly line flat-out fucked and my parents should have taken me back for repairs before the warranty ran out.” -Elizabeth Wurtzel
“And then there are my friends, and they have their own lives. While they like to talk everything through, to analyze and hypothesize, what I really need, what I'm really looking for, is not something i can articulate. It's nonverbal: I need love. I need the thing that happens when your brain turns off and your heart turns on.” -Elizabeth Wurtzel
"Smile though your heart is aching. Smile even though it's breaking. When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by, if you smile through your fears and sorrow. Smile, and maybe tomorrow you'll see the sun come shining through for you. Light up your face with gladness. Hide every trace of sadness, although a tear maybe ever so near. That's the time you must keep on trying. Smile, what's the use in crying? You'll find that life is still worthwhile, if you just smile." -Charlie Chaplin
“The most terrible poverty is loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved.” -Mother Teresa
“Man finds nothing so intolerable as to be in a state of complete rest, without passions, without occupation, without diversion, without effort. Then he feels his nullity, loneliness, inadequacy, dependence, helplessness, emptiness.” -Blaise Pascal
“When friendship disappears then there is a space left open to that awful loneliness of the outside world which is like the cold space between the planets. It is an air in which men perish utterly.” -Hilaire Belloc
“I start to feel like I can’t maintain the facade any longer, that I may just start to show through. And I wish I knew what was wrong. Maybe something about how stupid my whole life is. I don’t know. Why does the rest of the world put up with the hypocrisy, the need to put a happy face on sorrow, the need to keep on keeping on?... I don’t know the answer, I know only that I can’t. I don't want any more vicissitudes, I don't want any more of this try, try again stuff. I just want out. I’ve had it. I am so tired. I am twenty and I am already exhausted.” -Elizabeth Wurtzel
“That's the thing about depression: A human being can survive almost anything, as long as she sees the end in sight. But depression is so insidious, and it compounds daily, that it's impossible to ever see the end. The fog is like a cage without a key.” -Elizabeth Wurtzel
“I wonder if any of them can tell from just looking at me that all I am is the sum total of my pain, a raw woundedness so extreme that it might be terminal. It might be terminal velocity, the speed of the sound of a girl falling down to a place from where she can't be retrieved. What if I am stuck down here for good?” -Elizabeth Wurtzel
“I feel like a defective model, like I came off the assembly line flat-out fucked and my parents should have taken me back for repairs before the warranty ran out.” -Elizabeth Wurtzel
“And then there are my friends, and they have their own lives. While they like to talk everything through, to analyze and hypothesize, what I really need, what I'm really looking for, is not something i can articulate. It's nonverbal: I need love. I need the thing that happens when your brain turns off and your heart turns on.” -Elizabeth Wurtzel
"Smile though your heart is aching. Smile even though it's breaking. When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by, if you smile through your fears and sorrow. Smile, and maybe tomorrow you'll see the sun come shining through for you. Light up your face with gladness. Hide every trace of sadness, although a tear maybe ever so near. That's the time you must keep on trying. Smile, what's the use in crying? You'll find that life is still worthwhile, if you just smile." -Charlie Chaplin
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
My Beautiful BlogSpot!
So, obviously there's been a slight change in scenery here on my blog.
Big HUGE oh my god oh my god thanks to Lou for doing it. lol It's really swank and awesome and I feel like a cooler person just by looking at it.
lol In other news? There is no other news.
Have a good day my dears!
Big HUGE oh my god oh my god thanks to Lou for doing it. lol It's really swank and awesome and I feel like a cooler person just by looking at it.
lol In other news? There is no other news.
Have a good day my dears!
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
More crap
I did say I was gonna doodle more crap. lol this should be it for the day.. probably. Dunno. The one on the right... started out with a head. Really... But I decided that trying to correct it was just futile... So? Magic Ball Head lady...
Maybe this time?
Okay.... So I tried posting before and it wasn't going through, so here's hoping.
I wasn't in a very good mood earlier, but I just got back from Donato's with Lou, and had a rockin' time. So I'm much better now. lol Seriously, it was like Metal Monday only it's Tuesday! And Erin, the cashier/one of five managers, was so rad. lol She called everyone "My Friend". How awesome is that? Wish I could pull that off. I just call most everyone at Starbucks "hon".
Anyway, here's what I was posting earlier today.
Now I don't know how with it you all are at 5 in the A.M., but I'm really not with it. When I open, everything is usually in it's place so I just go on auto-pilot until about 6:30.
Well this morning, things were not all in their places. In fact, all the timers we use for our coffees, creams, and sanitizers were missing. So that was a little confounding and irritating, but I kept doing my thing, figuring I'd find them later.
Next thing I know, the entire store ERUPTS in Fucking Beeping. Now... the timers are really annoying beepers. I have nightmares about these timers. So, you can imagine my joy at the entire store beeping at me. Turns out someone (probably the closers) decided it'd be really funny to set the timers to go off and then hide them in random places. These places included on top of our menu boards, on the espresso machine, behind the registers and on top of a fridge.
Needless to say I was fucking pissed. And I stayed pissed pretty much until I got to Donato's and told the story to Lou. Now? Now I can laugh at it. lol
On another note! I drawed a purty picture! lol Nothing that great or special, but hey, I'm not too ashamed to put it on my blog. So here you go. Ignore the wierd angle. I don't understand photoshop yet.
Woo look at me and my bad self! Now I'm off to doodle more crap!
I wasn't in a very good mood earlier, but I just got back from Donato's with Lou, and had a rockin' time. So I'm much better now. lol Seriously, it was like Metal Monday only it's Tuesday! And Erin, the cashier/one of five managers, was so rad. lol She called everyone "My Friend". How awesome is that? Wish I could pull that off. I just call most everyone at Starbucks "hon".
Anyway, here's what I was posting earlier today.
Now I don't know how with it you all are at 5 in the A.M., but I'm really not with it. When I open, everything is usually in it's place so I just go on auto-pilot until about 6:30.
Well this morning, things were not all in their places. In fact, all the timers we use for our coffees, creams, and sanitizers were missing. So that was a little confounding and irritating, but I kept doing my thing, figuring I'd find them later.
Next thing I know, the entire store ERUPTS in Fucking Beeping. Now... the timers are really annoying beepers. I have nightmares about these timers. So, you can imagine my joy at the entire store beeping at me. Turns out someone (probably the closers) decided it'd be really funny to set the timers to go off and then hide them in random places. These places included on top of our menu boards, on the espresso machine, behind the registers and on top of a fridge.
Needless to say I was fucking pissed. And I stayed pissed pretty much until I got to Donato's and told the story to Lou. Now? Now I can laugh at it. lol
On another note! I drawed a purty picture! lol Nothing that great or special, but hey, I'm not too ashamed to put it on my blog. So here you go. Ignore the wierd angle. I don't understand photoshop yet.
Woo look at me and my bad self! Now I'm off to doodle more crap!
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
People
So, todays weather has been terrifically horrible. lol Everything is covered in a layer of ice that's really just fucking things up.
But anyway! Today I was reminded about how alternatingly awesome and immature the human race is. First? The immature. I was getting gas today, and you know how the cashiers can yell at people over the intercom. Well, I wanna know where this one old guy was from, because he seemed to be surprised that if you were paying with cash, you had to pre-pay. And he wasn't surprised in an "Oh! Really? I'm sorry, that's my fault. I didn't read the sign directly in front of my face."
No, this was surprised as in screaming at the cashier FROM the pump basically incoherently, and then afterwards going inside to yell at the cashier directly about how "He was GOING to buy something else in the gas station, but NOW! It's just stupid. Stupid stupid. Where's your bathroom?!"
lol To make it more awesome, there's the wife of the asshole, nudging his arm all "It's back there, Now Shush!" lol Epic.
Now for the awesome people.
Like I said, everything is covered in ice. That includes my car. So when I got to said gas station, the latch that opens my gas tank door was frozen solid. So after maybe 15-20 minutes standing out in the cold trying to jimmy and pry it open with my keys, this great gentleman at the next pump over comes and tries to help me out. He ended up using a hunting knife, which made me a little nervous.. Didn't want the guy to cut himself helping me out. Anyway, before he tried that he said, "Now you promise that if this breaks the door, you won't sue me or anything."
I just laughed and pointed to my car, "Don't worry, my car's a piece of junk, so it won't really matter."
Anyway, it worked! So I got my gas, continued to be annoyed and amused by the asshole and now I'm home. And I'm not going to leave again until tomorrow morning.
Now! Naptime.
But anyway! Today I was reminded about how alternatingly awesome and immature the human race is. First? The immature. I was getting gas today, and you know how the cashiers can yell at people over the intercom. Well, I wanna know where this one old guy was from, because he seemed to be surprised that if you were paying with cash, you had to pre-pay. And he wasn't surprised in an "Oh! Really? I'm sorry, that's my fault. I didn't read the sign directly in front of my face."
No, this was surprised as in screaming at the cashier FROM the pump basically incoherently, and then afterwards going inside to yell at the cashier directly about how "He was GOING to buy something else in the gas station, but NOW! It's just stupid. Stupid stupid. Where's your bathroom?!"
lol To make it more awesome, there's the wife of the asshole, nudging his arm all "It's back there, Now Shush!" lol Epic.
Now for the awesome people.
Like I said, everything is covered in ice. That includes my car. So when I got to said gas station, the latch that opens my gas tank door was frozen solid. So after maybe 15-20 minutes standing out in the cold trying to jimmy and pry it open with my keys, this great gentleman at the next pump over comes and tries to help me out. He ended up using a hunting knife, which made me a little nervous.. Didn't want the guy to cut himself helping me out. Anyway, before he tried that he said, "Now you promise that if this breaks the door, you won't sue me or anything."
I just laughed and pointed to my car, "Don't worry, my car's a piece of junk, so it won't really matter."
Anyway, it worked! So I got my gas, continued to be annoyed and amused by the asshole and now I'm home. And I'm not going to leave again until tomorrow morning.
Now! Naptime.
Sunday, February 3, 2008
WOOO!
GO ELI!
HAHA Tom Brady! 3 sacks, fumbles. So laaaaaame!
lol I don't care about football... but it feels really nice that the Pats lost.
Go Giants! And now! I'm off.
HAHA Tom Brady! 3 sacks, fumbles. So laaaaaame!
lol I don't care about football... but it feels really nice that the Pats lost.
Go Giants! And now! I'm off.
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