Lalala

So, there's a little college town about 45 minutes north of me that has a community choir. I've participated a few times, but I never completely enjoy it. A lot of that is because it's a 45 minute drive.... alone with my mother. lol I love my mom, but whenever we're alone together the conversation is usually kind of depressing. Talking about my dad, talking about how I could be doing so much more with my life. Meh.

Another negative on the scale for community choir is one that I'm not particularly proud of, but when it comes to singing, I tend to be a bit of a snob. It's like... I want to be in a group that is the best. That sounds awesome. I want to be working with professionals. lol Rehearsals tended to get monotonous for me. And there really isn't anyone my age, since it's mostly older members of the community. I guess there are a few glee club guys from Wabash, but they're all buddies and don't really talk to me.

But, on the positive side, I'd be in a structured singing group again. I really miss that. I miss singing for a purpose... Honestly, I just really miss singing. It's something that really brings a lot of joy to my life. And the fact that people are shocked when they find out I can sing, bothers me. I love singing. I love music... and since I gave that part of myself up, I've felt a palpable loss. It's hard to explain. ...It'd be like Lou waking up one morning and the ability to draw just vanishing. Or like... I don't even know what. lol I don't know anyone else with talents that could equate to how I feel.

Since middle school, when I first started singing and getting recognition for it. singing has been a major part of my identity. And not having that in my life, has thrown off my identity a little... or a lot.

It's amazing how one small thing can have that much affect on a person.

Oh well. Off now. It's going to be an easy week this week, which is a blessing and a curse. A blessing because I'm sick, but a curse because I really need the hours.